Steffen Winter

May. 5, 2010 at 6:44am with 197 notes

Reblogged from rahmin

caterpillarcowboy:

heyamberrae:

The most beautiful comment I’ve ever received: a response to a quote about love, marriage and relationships:

Amber, I read this shortly after you posted it and have been mulling it over since then while trying to find a few moments to weigh in. I apologize in advance for the length of my written thoughts. I believe we, as humans, are different, perhaps not hard wired to be with one partner, but possessing traits that point us in that direction. In the same way, I do not think we are hard wired to be producing with different partners, again possessing traits that tug us in that direction, if we allow them to.

I have been married for nearly 24 years to the same intelligent and beautiful woman. We dated for a couple of years before that. During this time, I have had fleeting attractions – fleeting in terms of a moment – but those attractions, when weighed against my reality were, are, and always will be meaningless. I’ve never viewed these temptations as a sign our “marriage is not to be”, instead I’ve viewed them as a reminder that without constant vigilance against the fleeting, I might trade the significant for the utterly meaningless. There is no one on the planet who could take the place of my bride, and I would never entertain the thought of it. Why? Because she completes and expands me in countless ways, she balances me, grounds me, excites me, encourages me, challenges me and most importantly, she loves me, flaws and all. She reveals my flaws and helps me to compensate or overcome; or, she compensates and overcomes them within herself in my defense when I am unable.

During our marriage, we’ve been through graduate schools, excelled and stumbled in our careers, and become parents. Our oldest son nearly died twice due to medical issues uncovered during pregnancy and treated via five surgeries afterwards – he’s a healthy 6’2” now with a couple of scars. If we could make it through those few short, stressful years, we can make it through anything. We currently struggle to balance schedules of three active kids and find time to be alone and alone with each other. We’ve also lost grandparents & parents and supported each others’ parents experiencing serious health issues. We’ve gained and lost friends. We’ve had high expectations of the person we married and learned to temper or raise these expectations as reality was revealed. Fairly normal stuff all in all.

When we got married, neither of us understood the magnitude of committing ourselves to being married. We’ve laughed together and at each other. We’ve fought over the trivial & monumental. We’ve celebrated and cried together; we’ve imagined the future and faced reality together. We’ve enchanted each other and said and done things that have quickly disenchanted. We’ve disappointed and thrilled each other countless times. We’ve been stubbornly wrong or right and asked for forgiveness in both. We are nearly polar opposites; she an ISTJ and me an INTP (Meters Briggs), and I believe part of our longevity and success is due to embracing the differences, not condemning them in each other. Again, fairly normal life stuff.

When I said “I do” – I had no inkling what it meant; I’ve come to discover it means the above and so much more. I expect to uncover increasing meaning as we continue on our life journey together. During hard times I remind myself that I said “I do” and no matter what, I keep my word, and say “I’m in”. During great times, I remember I joyfully said “I do” and say “I’m grateful”.

My hope for you, Amber, is that you discover that special someone who will be what you desire, what you need, what you don’t expect and so much more. I hope when that special guy says “will you…” and “I do” that underneath those words is a bedrock foundation that, even though the marriage commitment is barely comprehended at the time, will take the words “for better or for worse” and live them with unwavering faithfulness and love for you, and likewise, you to him. It is through the unwavering commitment that we discover ourselves and each other more fully than we could imagine in the moment or throughout our lives. Some may say that marriage is a man made institution, but I say and have experienced it as so much more than I could have ever imagined – it transcends our limitations, our expectations and us.

Wow. Rick leaves me at a loss for words here. I completely admire and adore his relationship with his wife. It’s nothing short of beautiful. I too hope I discover that special someone he describes above that I can dedicate and give myself fully to. Because in the end, that is what I’m looking for. Aren’t we all?

Yes. This. Exactly.